Here’s an excellently written testimony from Chris Dixon, a man who became a good friend.

The Fall

When you are taught the story of the Prodigal Son as a child at Sunday school, you never believe it might be you later in life. The naughty son who runs away, commits all sorts of terrible sins and wastes his father’s birthright – I could never do such things, could I?

And yet looking back I can see how closely that parable applies to me.

For me the ‘father’s birthright’ was a stalwart belief in God instilled at a young age from attendance at a local Church and Sunday School. The sovereignty of God, the Triune God, the divine authority of the Scriptures – such tenets of Christianity have never been an issue for me. I accepted them readily, as the sky is blue and sea is wet – ‘child-like faith’. What a powerful gift to give a young child, what a weapon for God’s Kingdom on earth!

But as the child became a teenager, and the teenager grew to a young man, the meaning of the sacrifice of Christ, the message of the Gospel, the study of Scripture, the desire to please God – these crucial elements of Christianity were somehow lost to the temptations of the world. My sinful need to seek earthly pleasures, further myself and be a pleaser of men took over. I stopped attending Church by around the age of 18 and focussed on the satisfaction of my own desires, my career and accumulation of material possessions.

Within ten years my life was indistinguishable from that of a non-believer. I drove a flashy car, kept all my money for myself (though spent prodigiously) and lived an immoral lifestyle like a modern day Corinthian in the highly secular community of Dubai, a city where wealth and status veil secret lives of decadence and debauchery.

I would find myself at 5am in bad places with bad people, places where a child of Christ had no right or reason to be. Physically I was in bad shape through overindulgence and lack of exercise. Mentally my priority list read Myself, My Boss, and then (maybe) My Wife, with whom my relationship had come to resemble more that of a partying flatmate than of a loving provider.

Had the 9-year-old me met the 29-year-old me, he would have instantly recognised the younger son in the parable. A selfish hedonist, throwing away his father’s gifts (unshakeable faith, sharp intellect, strong work ethic) and indulging his earthly desires.

Yet at the time I had no sense of this peril. I had committed no ‘bad’ sins after all – I did nothing illegal by the laws of man, so I couldn’t be that ‘bad’ could I? Besides, Jesus forgave everything I did anyway, so why bother trying to be good when being bad was so much more fun?

I realise now how many of the enemy’s tricks and deceits I had fallen for over the years, not least the illusion of the gradual doom, otherwise known as the principle of the boiling frog. Throw a frog in a pan of boiling water and it will jump right out again. Put a frog in cold water and boil it slowly, and the frog will not realise before it’s too late. My water was heating up quickly, and I didn’t even know it.

Sometime around my 29th birthday I hit bottom, ironically as the US stock market (on which my happiness, bank account and self-esteem was now intrinsically linked) hit a low of 666. But even then my ever loving Father was preparing to rescue me.

The Rescue

Before I did any terminal damage to my health, finances or marriage it seemed the Lord decided ‘enough is enough’, and He plucked my wife and I from Dubai and placed us in Singapore.

Unlike the ‘Islamic secularism’ of Dubai, Singapore has almost 20% Christianity, Christian bookstores on every corner and megachurches widespread – it was a cold plunge for the boiling frog! The Lord gifted me with insight and wisdom, and I became suddenly and acutely aware of my sin in this new land.

Still, I tried to stick to my sinful ways for many months. To nail the point home, the Lord then gave me the greatest gift of all – a completely undeserved yet perfect and beautiful daughter.

With this new focus in my life I began to feel sickened about the way I was living, the way I had lived for so long. Like the son in the story I fled back to my Father and invited a local church pastor over for a painful but cathartic ‘confessional and recommitment’ discussion. I told him everything and cried out for forgiveness.

My Father accepted me with open arms and the impact was immediate. I suddenly lost the desire to do the bad things I had been doing. As the Holy Spirit began its ‘indwelling’ in me, sin lost it’s power over me. I began to attend Church once more, study the Word and the Lord opened my eyes on many issues. The enormity of Jesus’ propitiatory sacrifice of the Cross was revealed and for months I could not sit through a Church service without either weeping in sorrow at the way I had lived, or in joy for the grace and forgiveness that was freely given. Not only was I forgiven, I was ‘Justified’. In legal parlance, to be justified is to be as if the accusation or sin had never even taken place. Amazing.

After a wonderful 6 month period of spiritual renewal, a test of faith arrived. With renewed confidence and faith, I was able to resign from a job that was making me miserable (for years this job had been my own ‘Golden Calf’) with no other employment to go to.

During the following 9 months of unemployment, the Lord put my wife and I through His ‘refiners fire’; a period of intense struggles against worry and anxiety about the future but salved by a time of incredible closeness with Him and numerous and regular breakthroughs in our spiritual walk.

Despite running our finances down to the wire, countless job interviews and dead ends, my faith never wavered. In hard moments, I pleaded for the Lord to show us His plan, to provide an answer, an end to the uncertainty, but often instead of an answer came further breakthroughs in Church, Bible study, fellowship or service.

When finally our prayers were answered, our gracious and loving Father did not just give me a job, he clothed me in fine robes and ‘killed the fatted calf’ in my honor – if I had been able to design my perfect role in my perfect company, I could not have done it so well as the role my Father ultimately provided.

With this role came a new city and a new country, and I have no doubt the Lord has plans for my family in this new location that will go beyond anything we could imagine.

Is there an ‘elder brother’ in my version of the Prodigal Son? Perhaps – without wanting to stretch the analogy too far I know I have elements of the elder brother’s judgmental piety in my own personality. As I look forward to my new walk with God in Australia, I must be on my guard against those traits.

I will do my best to maintain humility and awareness of my own wretchedness in the face of the perfection of my Lord, but when I stumble (and I will stumble) I know with absolute certainty that my Father will pick me, forgive me, justify me and restore me fully in his eyes.

If you are reading this search your heart and question where your priorities lie, what are your idols – I got really good at denial, but deep down I knew all along. Are you living a gospel-centred life for Christ? Or is your overriding incentive the search for personal fulfillment and earthly pleasures.

If it is the latter I urge you with all haste to change the focus of your life and jump out of the boiling pan before it is too late. Accept the grace that is freely given, and you too will be Justified!

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